12. The Hand of Fate

HandFate01.jpg (21969 bytes)"I am tryin' to ascertain, Captain Peacock, who placed an order for 27 galvanized buckets." -- 21.4K

HandFate02.jpg (25169 bytes)"Ah so!" -- 24.5Kb

HandFate03.jpg (23376 bytes)"Excuse me--phony lingy." -- 22.8Kb

HandFate04.jpg (20638 bytes)Humphries reads the Japanese customer's palm. -- 20.1Kb

HandFate05.jpg (16960 bytes)"Well, something like that." -- 16.5Kb

HandFate06.jpg (20280 bytes)"Quite often I dream I'm flyin' around in the air with no clothes on." -- 19.8Kb

HandFate07.jpg (22188 bytes)"I see a man at your feet...he's tall and distinguished." -- 21.6Kb

HandFate08.jpg (22681 bytes)"I see an opportunity...something to do with your job." -- 22.1Kb

HandFate09.jpg (16792 bytes) "I see you, as it were, climbing a ladder...and then a door opens, and you're wearing a new hat." -- 16.3Kb

HandFate10.jpg (21568 bytes)"Anybody can stand there with his nose in the air, looking stupid!" -- 21.0Kb

HandFate11.jpg (20917 bytes)"It's a turning point in your career." -- 20.4Kb

HandFate12.jpg (22193 bytes)"It said, 'Beware of a bald man with big ears.'" -- 21.6Kb

HandFate13.jpg (20642 bytes)Humphries' prediction holds true. -- 20.1Kb

HandFate14.jpg (19331 bytes)"I think this would be a very good time for me to leave my body." -- 18.8Kb

13. Coffee Morning

Coffee01.jpg (18046 bytes)"What makes you think you'll do any better tonight?"  "I've unscrewed the door handle." -- 17.6K

Coffee02.jpg (17195 bytes)"Now it's clunk, click, strip off quick." -- 16.7Kb

Coffee03.jpg (14900 bytes)"Well, you'll find no difficulty in that...you're two-faced." -- 14.5Kb

Coffee04.jpg (18533 bytes)"He's taken the handle off the car door so he can bend her to his will." -- 18.0Kb

Coffee05.jpg (19344 bytes)"I agree with Mrs. Slocombe.  I think we should all refuse to sign." -- 18.8Kb

Coffee06.jpg (20960 bytes)"I'm sorry, Captain Peacock, but I must refuse to sign your book." -- 20.4Kb

Coffee07.jpg (17356 bytes)Humphries and Lucas look on as Grainger refuses to sign. -- 16.9Kb

Coffee08.jpg (16182 bytes)"Well, I think you all ought to sign something to say you won't sign it." -- 15.8Kb

Coffee09.jpg (15341 bytes)"Put it down."  "I thought you said don't put it down." -- 14.9Kb

Coffee10.jpg (18240 bytes)"Unless the management meet our demands, we take action." -- 17.8Kb

Coffee11.jpg (18269 bytes)"But my undies will get all smutty!" -- 17.8Kb

Coffee12.jpg (20530 bytes)"What's good enough for me is good enough for you." -- 20.0Kb

Coffee13.jpg (21851 bytes)"I always rather enjoyed my walk to the canteen." -- 21.3Kb

Coffee14.jpg (14913 bytes)"Mr. Mash...." -- 14.5Kb

14. Up, Captain Peacock

Up01.jpg (20590 bytes) "Where are they?"  "They've gone down to the basement with your medal."  "Oh, how stupid!" -- 20.1Kb

Up02.jpg (20261 bytes)"We seek him here, we seek him there...it's like looking for the Scarlet Pimpernel." -- 19.7Kb

Up03.jpg (18481 bytes)"It's the key to the executive washroom." -- 18.0Kb

Up04.jpg (15090 bytes)"The key the the executive washroom?!" -- 14.7Kb

Up05.jpg (22010 bytes)"How does it look, Mr. Humphries?"  "Awful." -- 21.4Kb

Up06.jpg (22552 bytes)"Pompous twit!" -- 22.0Kb

Up07.jpg (24000 bytes)After Mrs. Slocombe altered the display.... -- 23.4Kb

Up08.jpg (21914 bytes)"What do you think?  Is it me?" -- 21.4Kb

Up09.jpg (23612 bytes)"Hitch your skirt up and speak with a Scottish accent." -- 23.0Kb

Up10.jpg (19035 bytes)"I'll smack your wrist in a minute." --  18.5Kb

Up11.jpg (18918 bytes)SLUUUURRRP! -- 18.4Kb

Up12.jpg (25918 bytes)Watching Mr. Grainger eat is always an adventure. -- 25.3Kb

Up13.jpg (25197 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe kills the bug on her lettuce. -- 24.6Kb

Up14.jpg (17421 bytes)"Snorkel for Mr. Grainger." -- 17.0Kb

Up15.jpg (19316 bytes)"Don't get up." -- 18.8Kb

Up16.jpg (21778 bytes)"You're doing very well." -- 21.2Kb

15. Cold Store

ColdSt01.jpg (22134 bytes)"This is Mr. Lucas...the Robert Redford of the Ready-Mades." -- 21.6Kb

ColdSt02.jpg (22048 bytes) "You don't get the day off here, not even if you're paralyzed.  They put a coat on you and use you as a dummy." -- 21.5Kb

ColdSt03.jpg (20403 bytes)"I brought my flask full of rum and pep." -- 19.9Kb

ColdSt04.jpg (21006 bytes)"Mr. Lucas...you're dribbling." -- 20.5Kb

ColdSt05.jpg (17659 bytes)"It's usually caused by the placing of soap under the tongue." -- 17.2Kb

ColdSt06.jpg (17350 bytes)"Oh, damn!" -- 16.9Kb

ColdSt07.jpg (16802 bytes)"It's all 'go' here today." -- 16.4Kb

ColdSt08.jpg (20862 bytes)"And down here we've got Y-fronts." -- 20.3Kb

ColdSt09.jpg (23196 bytes)"Don't move."  "Oh!  I won't!" -- 22.6Kb

ColdSt10.jpg (19194 bytes)"Would you walk this way, sir?" -- 18.7Kb

ColdSt11.jpg (20877 bytes)Humphries' bad back won't let him take the customer's inside leg. -- 20.3Kb

ColdSt12.jpg (20333 bytes)"Miss Brahms?" -- 19.8Kb

ColdSt13.jpg (26291 bytes)"Stand at ease!" -- 25.6Kb

ColdSt14.jpg (23390 bytes)Made the sale! -- 22.8Kb

ColdSt15.jpg (19281 bytes)"I'm sure you won't mind folding the hort." -- 18.8Kb

ColdSt16.jpg (17249 bytes)"You can forget about your pleasures, as well." -- 16.8Kb

16. Wedding Bells

WeddingBells001.jpg (21205 bytes)"No Parking." -- 20.7 Kb

WeddingBells01.jpg (19437 bytes)"Why don't you try another swing, sir?" -- 18.9 Kb

WeddingBells02.jpg (19938 bytes)"It's like pullin' a Christmas cracker, isn't it?"  "I wonder who's going to get the novelty?" -- 19.4K

WeddingBells04.jpg (16462 bytes)"My toupee...." -- 15.9 Kb

WeddingBells03.jpg (16330 bytes)"...you've lost it!" -- 16.0 Kb

WeddingBells05.jpg (19105 bytes)"There's somebody here at Grace Brothers who I've had my eye on for some time." -- 18.6 Kb

WeddingBells07.jpg (15072 bytes)"One of them stayed for sherry and showed me how his handcuffs worked." -- 14.7 Kb

WeddingBells08.jpg (20264 bytes)"How nice your hair looks, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 19.7 Kb

WeddingBells09.jpg (20440 bytes)"If you ask me, I think she'll have her hands full." -- 19.9 Kb

WeddingBells10.jpg (22036 bytes)"It's a trifle formal for afternoon tea, don't you think?" -- 21.5 Kb

WeddingBells11.jpg (17298 bytes)"A remarkable garment indeed." -- 16.8 Kb

WeddingBells12.jpg (19056 bytes) "Pick the honeymoon suite on the ground floor.  One flight of stairs and he won't get his breath back until after breakfast." -- 18.6 Kb

WeddingBells13.jpg (19294 bytes)"I turned him down." -- 18.8 Kb

17. German Week

German01.jpg (18017 bytes)"I haven't sold one of these in fifteen years." -- 17.5 Kb

German02.jpg (18432 bytes)"I suppose it'd come in quite handy for fighting your way to the bar at the end." --  18.0 Kb

German03.jpg (23409 bytes)"You could carry a lot of coal in these." -- 22.8 Kb

German035.jpg (18022 bytes)"I'm getting a lot of air but very little authority." -- 17.5 Kb

German04.jpg (25501 bytes)"My feet have been giving me hell after all of that dancing." -- 24.9 Kb

German05.jpg (25731 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe hits the German wine. -- 25.1 Kb

German06.jpg (25631 bytes)"The men are behind me, sir."  "But you've got to do the dance." -- 25.0 Kb

German065.jpg (28237 bytes)"Wait a minute!  You don't do it like that!" -- 27.5 Kb

German07.jpg (27314 bytes)The grand finale of the folk dance. -- 26.6 Kb

18. Shoulder to Shoulder

Should10.jpg (15401 bytes)"Who is this?  What do you mean, 'You can't guess?'" -- 15.0 kb

Should15.jpg (20818 bytes)"'A' difficulty way of finding anything." -- 20.3 kb

Should18.jpg (23816 bytes)"Hold it between the thumb and forefinger of the left hand." -- 23.2 kb

Should20.jpg (23824 bytes)"Would you use your senior position to tell Mr. Lucas to shut his cakehole?" -- 23.2 kb

Should24.jpg (22160 bytes)"I refuse!" -- 21.6 kb

Should28.jpg (21032 bytes)"Good grief!  What are they doing?" -- 20.5 kb

Should30.jpg (20330 bytes)"I mean that woman!  She's taking down my Y-fronts!" -- 19.8 kb

Should32.jpg (21993 bytes)"And what do you suggest I do with my displays?" -- 21.4 kb

Should33.jpg (18957 bytes)"Shall I tell her, Mr. Grainger?" -- 18.5 kb

Should35.jpg (17400 bytes)"It's a bit tricky at the moment, Captain Peacock." -- 16.9 kb

Should37.jpg (18447 bytes)"Allow me."  "Get out!" -- 18.0 kb

Should40.jpg (20436 bytes)"He does need a hormone injection." -- 19.9 kb

Should42.jpg (18558 bytes)"I wear 'em on me knees when I'm polishin' the parquet." -- 18.1 kb

Should46.jpg (22848 bytes)"Excuse me!" -- 22.3 kb

Should48.jpg (25715 bytes)"Yes!  Yes!  We do!  Just around the corner!" -- 25.1 kb

Should50.jpg (21267 bytes)"Is any coming out?  I can't see."  -- 20.7 kb

Should52.jpg (14034 bytes)Mr. Grainger's pencil goes "all fizzy." -- 13.7 kb

Should55.jpg (15271 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe gets the bad tea. -- 14.9 kb

Should57.jpg (24769 bytes)"It's just the same!" -- 24.1 kb

19. New Look

NewLook01.jpg (20597 bytes)"It's me shower cap--I couldn't find me umbrella." -- 20.1 kb

NewLook02.jpg (22802 bytes)"He will mend your parasol...." -- 22.2 Kb

NewLook05.jpg (22106 bytes)Humphries makes his entrance. -- 21.0 Kb

NewLook03.jpg (21563 bytes)"Fancy you being a best man." --  21.5 Kb

NewLook07.jpg (24472 bytes)"This step cost me mother 25 pounds." -- 23.8 Kb

20. Christmas Crackers

ChristmCrack01.jpg (20958 bytes)Humphries helps a hung-over Lucas out of the lift. -- 20.4 Kb

ChristmCrack02.jpg (19267 bytes)"You're right, Mr. Grainger--it's the nutcracker suite." -- 18.8 Kb

ChristmCrack03.jpg (22704 bytes)Another typical inedible canteen lunch.... -- 22.1 Kb

ChristmCrack04.jpg (22644 bytes)Miss Brahms and her Groucho glasses. -- 22.1 Kb

ChristmCrack05.jpg (17236 bytes)"Can we have a little more decorum, please?" -- 16.8 Kb

ChristmCrack06.jpg (13807 bytes)"He reminds me of somebody." -- 13.4 Kb

ChristmCrack07.jpg (24478 bytes)Captain Peacock isn't happy about being a snowman. -- 23.9 Kb

ChristmCrack11.jpg (19721 bytes)"He just goosed me in the lift!" -- 19.2Kb

ChristmCrack12.jpg (26525 bytes)"I wonder whose dainty foot it will fit?" -- 25.9Kb

ChristmCrack08.jpg (20099 bytes)Upper middle management at Grace Brothers.... -- 19.6 Kb

ChristmCrack13.jpg (18558 bytes)"...and mince." -- 18.1Kb

ChristmCrack09.jpg (17420 bytes)"Here's a bottle--let's get blotto!" -- 17.0 Kb

ChristmCrack10.jpg (26246 bytes)Group shot for the finale. -- 25.6 Kb