01.  Pilot Episode

Pilot01.jpg (20925 bytes)"Ooh, Miss Brahms, is that the best you could do?" -- 20.4Kb

Pilot02.jpg (21637 bytes)"If she burns her bra, we'll have to call out the London fire brigade." -- 21.1Kb

Pilot03.jpg (22652 bytes)"We now hold the sole concession on Beauty Bra." -- 22.1Kb

Pilot04.jpg (21632 bytes)"Anyone got a ladder?" -- 21.1Kb

Pilot05.jpg (18648 bytes)"I'm still sort of  'feeling my way around,' as you might say." -- 18.2Kb

Pilot06.jpg (21278 bytes)"I mean, people do have crooked noses, don't they?" -- 20.7Kb

Pilot07.jpg (22591 bytes)"How do you find young Mr. Lucas?"  "Oh, he's very obliging." -- 22.0Kb

Pilot08.jpg (16764 bytes)"Yes, Captain Peacock." -- 16.3Kb

Pilot09.jpg (21770 bytes)"He has quite smooth hands, actually." -- 21.2Kb

Pilot10.jpg (22145 bytes)Lucas gets a lesson in fluting. -- 21.6Kb

Pilot11.jpg (20956 bytes)"Member's signature--Captain John Smith." -- 20.4Kb

Pilot12.jpg (21121 bytes)"Mrs. Slocombe didn't like to take down your trousers without asking you first." -- 20.6Kb

Pilot13.jpg (19678 bytes) "You know I'd do anything in my power to smooth the way--short of giving her that stand." -- 19.2Kb

Pilot14.jpg (18401 bytes)"You've all done very well!" -- 17.9Kb

Pilot15.jpg (19254 bytes)"I know just the thing." -- 18.8Kb

Pilot16.jpg (18212 bytes)"Beryl, Grainger here.  Give me Mr. Rumbold." -- 17.7Kb

02.  Dear Sexy Knickers

DearSexy01.jpg (31398 bytes)"I'm always prepared to look the other way." -- 30.6 Kb

DearSexy02.jpg (37463 bytes)"Mr. Lucas has a customer--oh, I am glad." -- 36.5 Kb

DearSexy03.jpg (29189 bytes)"Plenty of ride, there, Mr. Grainger...enough to conduct a symphony orchestra." -- 28.5 Kb

DearSexy06.jpg (33751 bytes)"Nearly gave me a heart attack." -- 32.9 Kb

DearSexy07.jpg (27798 bytes)"Dear Sexy Knickers, I don't 'alf fancy you." -- 27.1 Kb

DearSexy08.jpg (27255 bytes)"You pull until you break all the stitches." -- 26.6 Kb

DearSexy09.jpg (29622 bytes)"We don't knee trousers, Mr. Lucas." -- 28.9 Kb

DearSexy12.jpg (24828 bytes)The note went to the wrong person. -- 24.2 Kb

DearSexy13.jpg (26427 bytes)"Dear Sexy Knickers...." -- 25.8 Kb

DearSexy14.jpg (26178 bytes)"Hello, Captain Peacock...this is Sexy Knickers." -- 25.5 Kb

DearSexy15.jpg (31559 bytes)"This is Sexy Knickers here." -- 30.8 Kb

DearSexy16.jpg (33411 bytes)Peacock's reaction to Brahms' call. -- 32.6 Kb

DearSexy18.jpg (28333 bytes)"Some lady says she wants to have me on the carpet." -- 27.6 Kb

DearSexy19.jpg (33444 bytes)"I'm afraid I've been a bit of a bad boy, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 32.6 Kb

03.  Our Figures Are Slipping

OurFigures001.jpg (21554 bytes)"I wouldn't be caught dead with imitation crocodile...not in these shoes, anyway." -- 21.0 Kb

OurFigures01.jpg (26878 bytes) "I'd better give it a bit of encouragement." -- 26.2 Kb

OurFigures02.jpg (24274 bytes)"That could be it, sir, yes." -- 23.7 Kb

OurFigures04.jpg (26034 bytes)Rumbold has his audience in thrall. -- 25.4 Kb

04.  Camping In

CampingIn01.jpg (15013 bytes)Checking out Mrs. Slocombe's window. -- 14.6 Kb

CampingIn02.jpg (21903 bytes)Some minor difficulties pitching Lucas' tent. -- 21.3 Kb

CampingIn03.jpg (18643 bytes)"I'm just trying to get my trousers off." -- 18.2 Kb

CampingIn04.jpg (18580 bytes)"Ooh, the things you see when you haven't got your gun." -- 18.1 Kb

CampingIn05.jpg (18824 bytes)Sitting around the campfire. -- 18.3 Kb

05. His and Hers

HisHers01.jpg (15262 bytes)"It's Mr. Mash to you." -- 14.9 Kb

HisHers02.jpg (19166 bytes)"Oh, please, Captain Peacock, I beg of you, don't tell the evil Mr. Rumbold...." -- 18.7 Kb

HisHers03.jpg (30212 bytes)"Even in the French Revolution the victims weren't required to chop off their own heads." -- 29.5 Kb

HisHers04.jpg (18450 bytes)"He's chattin' her up again--look at him, look at him!" -- 18.0 Kb

HisHers045.jpg (19683 bytes)"You're sophisticated and dangerous, you're slightly aloof...." -- 19.2 Kb

HisHers05.jpg (17715 bytes) "...if you want a real he-man, you'll find just what you've been waiting for.  Let me caress you...." -- 17.2 Kb

HisHers08.jpg (22247 bytes)"Did you ever hear the likes in all your born days, Mr. Grainger?" -- 21.7 Kb

HisHers09.jpg (22514 bytes)"Now, I've no doubt you've noticed the way in which this young lady operates." -- 21.9 Kb

HisHers10.jpg (22441 bytes)"A tie, yes, a tie in these gay, irresistable His colours." -- 21.9 Kb

06.  Diamonds Are a Man's Best Friend

Diamonds01.jpg (20997 bytes)"Thank you for a lovely evening." -- 20.5Kb

Diamonds02.jpg (21902 bytes) "Only a woman with your persuasive tongue, Mrs. Slocombe, could unload a 44 long onto a 36 short." -- 21.3Kb

Diamonds03.jpg (21545 bytes)"He's got a beard."  "How about that?" -- 21.0Kb

Diamonds04.jpg (20554 bytes)"...waitin' for that voice to come cryin' out of the sky--'Are you free, Mr. Lucas?'" -- 20.0Kb

Diamonds05.jpg (20633 bytes)"Get up, you fool!"  "Look, there's a hundred quid lyin' around here someplace!" -- 20.1Kb

Diamonds06.jpg (23069 bytes)"Why are you standing like that, Mr. Lucas?" -- 22.5Kb

Diamonds07.jpg (18555 bytes)"Are you being served, sir?  Good." -- 18.1Kb

Diamonds08.jpg (18630 bytes)" 'Mr. Rumbold' is going to make a telephone call." -- 18.1Kb

Diamonds09.jpg (18874 bytes)"I found it!" -- 18.4Kb

Diamonds10.jpg (15596 bytes)Hiding under Mr. Rumbold's desk. -- 15.2Kb

Diamonds11.jpg (22056 bytes)"They're off the dresses!  It's all rubbish." -- 21.5Kb