57. Sweet Smell of Success

SweetSmell01.jpg (19980 bytes)"Any of your lip before we open, and you'll get my umbrella up your hooter." -- 19.5Kb

SweetSmell02.jpg (17185 bytes) "I'm now going to test it to see if it gets me to the canteen in time for my coffee break.  Have a nice day." -- 16.7Kb

SweetSmell03.jpg (19234 bytes)"Not in those trousers!" -- 18.7Kb

SweetSmell04.jpg (18214 bytes)"I can't get it open!" -- 17.7Kb

SweetSmell05.jpg (21296 bytes)"This is highly irregular." -- 20.7Kb

SweetSmell06.jpg (18249 bytes)"Is that your last word?" -- 17.8Kb

sweetsmell07.jpg (20850 bytes)Peacock tries to attract the attention of the canteen manageress. -- 20.3Kb

SweetSmell08.jpg (17768 bytes)"I don't think you're getting through." -- 17.3Kb

SweetSmell085.jpg (16690 bytes)"When my two-year-old does it, it usually means that he wants to go to the potty." -- 16.2Kb

SweetSmell09.jpg (18657 bytes) "My mother used to take me to the botanical gardens a lot when I was a little boy--she's got a lot to answer for." -- 18.2Kb

SweetSmell10.jpg (21042 bytes)"Enough of that and you'd get chucked out of anywhere." -- 20.5Kb

SweetSmell11.jpg (23585 bytes) "It's supposed to attract the opposite sex.  Does it do anything for you?"  "Naaah."  "Oh!  There's hope for me yet!" -- 23.0Kb
SweetSmell12.jpg (20839 bytes) "In Mr. Rumbold's absence, Miss Belfridge will be working directly under Captain Peacock." -- 20.3Kb
SweetSmell13.jpg (25208 bytes) "Peacock should've never shown his wife that photograph in the staff magazine.  Hold the fort!" -- 24.6Kb

SweetSmell14.jpg (20330 bytes)The perfume gets spilled on Peacock's trousers. -- 19.8K

SweetSmell145.jpg (20495 bytes)"I'll just take your inside leg." -- 20.0Kb

SweetSmell16.jpg (19427 bytes)"It's 32, and hurry!" -- 18.9Kb

SweetSmell18.jpg (18766 bytes)"Up a bit, George, I've got a customer." -- 18.3Kb

SweetSmell19.jpg (21099 bytes)"Uh-oh, you've forgotten your trousers!" -- 20.6Kb

SweetSmell20.jpg (21542 bytes)"What's that smell?"  "It's my aftershave." -- 21.0Kb

SweetSmell21.jpg (22530 bytes)"Stephen!" -- 22.0Kb

SweetSmell22.jpg (21181 bytes)"Ground floor, and hurry!" -- 20.6Kb

SweetSmell23.jpg (18818 bytes)"I cannot allow you to sell your homemade perfume." -- 18.3Kb

58. Conduct Unbecoming

ConductUnbecoming01.jpg (22182 bytes) "You're askin' for trouble, Mr. Spooner.  You know perfectly well Mr. Humphries hasn't been in yet." -- 21.6Kb

ConductUnbecoming02.jpg (20441 bytes)Mr. Humphries sneaks in late. -- 19.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming03.jpg (24413 bytes)"Oh!  I've lost my suspenders!" -- 23.8Kb

ConductUnbecoming04.jpg (18346 bytes)"The bite shows a gap in the front teeth." -- 17.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming05.jpg (20244 bytes)Humphries breaks down. -- 19.7Kb

ConductUnbecoming06.jpg (21502 bytes) "It's his mother--they've had a tiff--it's a very personal matter--he's had to pack his bag and leave home." -- 20.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming07.jpg (21628 bytes)"Come now--stand up like a man." -- 21.1Kb

ConductUnbecoming08.jpg (18407 bytes)"Thank you." -- 17.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming09.jpg (24737 bytes)"If ever he needs a bed, he can be sure of one at my home." -- 24.1Kb

ConductUnbecoming10.jpg (19154 bytes)"Where's Mr. Humphries?  I've got something in the pram that belongs to him." -- 18.7Kb

ConductUnbecoming11.jpg (20543 bytes)"However could I leave it behind?" -- 20.0Kb

ConductUnbecoming12.jpg (22268 bytes)"And tell her I'm never coming home ever, ever again." -- 21.7Kb

ConductUnbecoming13.jpg (17319 bytes)A trying day for Mrs. Humphries' little boy.... -- 16.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming14.jpg (17502 bytes)Returning drunk from the pub at lunchtime. -- 17.0Kb

ConductUnbecoming15.jpg (18333 bytes)"Humphries, I want you in my office immediately."  "My word, that was quick." -- 17.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming16.jpg (17015 bytes)"The two five-pound notes are missing." -- 16.6Kb

ConductUnbecoming17.jpg (19817 bytes)"I've got nothing to hide." -- 19.3Kb

ConductUnbecoming18.jpg (21904 bytes)"Oh, the relief of it all!"  -- 21.3Kb

ConductUnbecoming19.jpg (21396 bytes)"He's goin' through a personal crisis...left home...nowhere to go...." -- 20.8Kb

ConductUnbecoming20.jpg (21092 bytes)"I'm afraid this is the end of a very promising career." -- 20.5Kb

ConductUnbecoming21.jpg (20031 bytes)"But I'm innocent!" -- 19.5Kb

ConductUnbecoming22.jpg (21798 bytes) "...events which suggested a lack of honesty on more than one member of the staff!" -- 21.2Kb

ConductUnbecoming23.jpg (26176 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe tries her hand at being a lawyer. -- 25.5Kb

ConductUnbecoming24.jpg (26127 bytes)"This is the face of an innocent man!" -- 25.5Kb

ConductUnbecoming25.jpg (19040 bytes)"Mr. Humphries, I must ask you to resign."  "Resign?  From Grace Brothers?" -- 18.5Kb

ConductUnbecoming255.jpg (21402 bytes)"I'd try the YMCA, if I was you." -- 20.9Kb

ConductUnbecoming26.jpg (18694 bytes) "D'you know, I can't believe this is happening to me--I've always been such a good boy." -- 18.2Kb

ConductUnbecoming27.jpg (21853 bytes)"I shall never forget that sad look on his little face." -- 21.3Kb

ConductUnbecoming28.jpg (27397 bytes) "It's the missing money!"  "We'll never find him to tell him!"  "Oh, I hope he doesn't throw himself under a train!" -- 26.7Kb

ConductUnbecoming29.jpg (17164 bytes)Humphries returns for his Paddington Bear. -- 16.7Kb

ConductUnbecoming30.jpg (21624 bytes)"I'll be home as soon as I can." -- 21.1Kb

ConductUnbecoming31.jpg (20427 bytes)An unexpected reward from Miss Belfridge. -- 19.9Kb

59. Memories are Made of This

Memories01.jpg (18781 bytes)"Mr. Walpole?"  "Not that good-lookin' man with the lovely smile from sports!" -- 18.3Kb

Memories02.jpg (15392 bytes)"And here on our floor!" -- 15.0Kb

Memories03.jpg (24740 bytes)"Oh, isn't he handsome?" -- 24.1Kb

Memories04.jpg (22666 bytes)"Go and say hello, then...introduce us." -- 22.1Kb

Memories045.jpg (22592 bytes)"Shall I?" -- 22.0Kb

Memories05.jpg (21837 bytes)"Do I look all right?" -- 21.3Kb

Memories06.jpg (18631 bytes)"Hi, Humphries." -- 18.1Kb

Memories07.jpg (22542 bytes)Mr. Walpole demonstrates his equipment.... -- 22.0Kb

Memories08.jpg (26146 bytes)Captain Peacock ready to tee off. -- 25.5Kb

Memories09.jpg (25418 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe gets walloped on the forehead. -- 24.8Kb

Memories10.jpg (23825 bytes)"Where am I?"  "Well, you're with your friends at work." -- 23.2Kb

Memories11.jpg (21370 bytes)"My mummy says I mustn't talk to strange men." -- 20.8Kb

Memories12.jpg (19401 bytes)"Well, you can talk to me." -- 18.9Kb

Memories13.jpg (21772 bytes)"Thank you, Wilberforce."  "Not at all, Stephen." -- 21.2Kb

Memories14.jpg (22056 bytes)Second childhood. -- 21.5Kb

Memories145.jpg (17963 bytes)"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me...brother." -- 17.5Kb

Memories146.jpg (22638 bytes)Being immature in the canteen. -- 22.1Kb

Memories15.jpg (23808 bytes)"Put that out!  I'm going to count to three...." -- 23.2Kb

Memories16.jpg (20738 bytes)"When is a door not a door?" -- 20.2Kb

Memories17.jpg (22223 bytes)"She's not comin' home with me!" -- 21.7Kb

Memories18.jpg (20771 bytes)"If the wind changes, you'll stay like that." -- 20.2Kb

Memories19.jpg (22188 bytes)Betty being a bad girl. -- 21.6Kb

Memories195.jpg (16446 bytes)And then things escalate. -- 16.0Kb

Memories20.jpg (19545 bytes)Mr. Rumbold experiences the canteen service first-hand. -- 19.0Kb

Memories21.jpg (20896 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe demolishes Rumbold's office. -- 20.4Kb

Memories22.jpg (19852 bytes)"Hello, Big Ears!" -- 19.3Kb

Memories23.jpg (23423 bytes)"So all the time you mean to say that you...?" -- 22.8Kb

60. Calling All Customers

CallingAllCust01.jpg (29436 bytes)"Mr. Humphries and I never got home last night." -- 28.7Kb

CallingAllCust02.jpg (22134 bytes) "I went up to this man, I said, 'Are there any police around?'  He said, 'No,' and handed me his wallet." -- 21.6Kb

CallingAllCust03.jpg (25251 bytes)Doing a bit of dusting. -- 24.6Kb

CallingAllCust04.jpg (19521 bytes)"Big Bert Spooner here.  If there's anybody out there, come in." -- 19.0Kb

CallingAllCust05.jpg (24798 bytes)The lorry driver crashes after hearing about Mrs. Slocombe's pussy. -- 24.2Kb

CallingAllCust06.jpg (21303 bytes)"I think he's pulled off for a coffee." -- 20.8Kb

CallingAllCust07.jpg (21882 bytes)"There's a hundred pounds in it."  "You're on." -- 21.3Kb

CallingAllCust08.jpg (21512 bytes)"Right, now, Jim lad.  If I catch you around my daughter...." -- 21.0Kb

CallingAllCust09.jpg (23710 bytes)"The adventures of Jim, a lusty country boy." -- 23.1Kb

CallingAllCust10.jpg (21809 bytes)"Ooh, haven't you got a whopper." -- 21.2Kb

CallingAllCust11.jpg (21489 bytes)"Cut!" -- 20.9Kb

CallingAllCust12.jpg (21733 bytes)"Mr. Harmon, cut your coconuts."  "What?" -- 21.2Kb

CallingAllCust13.jpg (21492 bytes)"Nell felt the passion rising in her veins..." -- 20.9Kb

CallingAllCust14.jpg (23048 bytes)"...at last she was alone with the man she loved." -- 22.5Kb

CallingAllCust15.jpg (20741 bytes)"But I didn't know this was going out on the air!" -- 20.2Kb

CallingAllCust16.jpg (22450 bytes)"And that goes for me, too." -- 21.9Kb

61. Monkey Business

MonkeyBusinesss01.jpg (22519 bytes)Humphries, Slocombe and Brahms arrive for work.... -- 21.9Kb

MonkeyBusiness02.jpg (29299 bytes)-- 28.6Kb

MonkeyBusiness03.jpg (17299 bytes) "The failure of management to meet the promised pay demand is most unfortunate." -- 16.8Kb

MonkeyBusiness04.jpg (20727 bytes)"The bad news is we ain't got no rise." -- 20.2Kb

MonkeyBusiness05.jpg (21398 bytes)"Now, I've got my dander up, so just watch it!" -- 20.8Kb

MonkeyBusiness055.jpg (18189 bytes)"I've often done that, but I've always been forgiven." -- 17.7Kb

MonkeyBusiness07.jpg (22165 bytes)"It's Joan of Arc all over again." -- 21.6Kb

MonkeyBusiness08.jpg (20979 bytes)The staff try to get themselves fired. -- 20.4Kb

MonkeyBusiness09.jpg (20459 bytes)"They've sold us to the Japs." -- 19.9Kb

MonkeyBusiness10.jpg (19410 bytes)"Actually, I'm a 'don't know'...but I'm with you." -- 18.9Kb

MonkeyBusiness11.jpg (23226 bytes)"Fancy us in Number 10 Downing Street." -- 22.6Kb

MonkeyBusiness12.jpg (19046 bytes)"Ronald who?" -- 18.5Kb

MonkeyBusiness13.jpg (24443 bytes)"He knew all our names!  He never used them, but he knew them." -- 23.8Kb

MonkeyBusiness14.jpg (19665 bytes) "That bald-headed monkey with the big ears--it's climbed through the window and it's sitting in Mr. Rumbold's chair!" -- 19.2Kb

MonkeyBusiness15.jpg (19873 bytes)"Getting a banana in the ear is an insult we cannot forgive." -- 19.4Kb

62. Lost and Found

LostandFound01.jpg (19070 bytes) Humphries demonstrates how to shape a hat (looks like he finally got the wrist action down). -- 18.6Kb

LostandFound02.jpg (19160 bytes)"When was the last time you saw her?" -- 18.7Kb

LostandFound03.jpg (15669 bytes)"They found its clockwork mouse at the edge of a well." -- 15.3Kb

LostandFound04.jpg (19155 bytes)"If you're not going to behave yourself, you can go and sit at another table." -- 18.7Kb

LostandFound05.jpg (20768 bytes)"Now, no news is good news, and we all love you, and we're all standing by you." -- 20.2Kb

LostandFound06.jpg (19288 bytes) "You've only to look at Mr. Humphries' eyes to know that he cares in a very special way." -- 18.8Kb

LostandFound07.jpg (20348 bytes)"There aren't two like him in the world." -- 19.8Kb

LostandFound08.jpg (19450 bytes)"Is she talkin' about me or the Pope?" -- 18.9Kb

LostandFound09.jpg (22497 bytes)"Mrs. Slocombe--I propose...." -- 21.9Kb

LostandFound10.jpg (21452 bytes)"And I accept!" -- 20.9Kb

LostandFound11.jpg (22095 bytes)Humphries can't believe what's just happened. -- 21.5Kb

LostandFound12.jpg (20509 bytes)"Kiss me!" -- 20.0Kb

LostandFound13.jpg (25096 bytes)The shock was just too much... -- 24.5Kb

LostandFound14.jpg (23019 bytes)...and so out he goes. -- 22.4Kb

LostandFound15.jpg (21452 bytes) "Look, will you stop crying?  That's better.  Now, just treat it in a light-hearted manner.  You're not losing a son, you're just losing a sofa." -- 20.9Kb

LostandFound16.jpg (21652 bytes)"I'm free!"  "Well, that makes two of us!" -- 21.1Kb