21.  No Sale

NoSale01.jpg (29929 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe and Miss Brahms arrived by motorcycle.... -- 29.2 Kb

NoSale02.jpg (20659 bytes)...while Mr. Humphries hitchhiked dressed as a sailor. -- 20.1 Kb

NoSale03.jpg (19390 bytes)"People are very kind to the services, you know." -- 18.9 Kb

NoSale04.jpg (18023 bytes)"Mr. Grainger!"  "Not while I'm selling, Mr. Humphries." -- 17.6 Kb

NoSale05.jpg (26191 bytes)The customer was in an awful hurry.... -- 25.5 Kb

NoSale06.jpg (25019 bytes) "If a man rings up with a Scottish accent, you're the cleaner and you've never heard of me.  No, I don't owe him any money...I don't owe him anything.  What do you mean, there's someone coming up the garden path in a kilt?  Well, look, lock the door and hide in the cupboard.  I'll phone you before I leave here.  Whatever you do, don't open the door unless it's a young policeman carrying a rolled umbrella.  And if I can borrow a helmet from the toy department, that'll be me." -- 24.4 Kb

NoSale07.jpg (23282 bytes)"You have such exciting knees." -- 22.7 Kb

NoSale08.jpg (19791 bytes)"How could they let it out of the workroom like that?" -- 19.3 Kb

22. Top Hat and Tails

TopHat01.jpg (15165 bytes)"You've been there early, have you?"-- 14.8 Kb

TopHat02.jpg (21881 bytes)"A sunshine babe?!" -- 21.3 Kb

TopHat03.jpg (19837 bytes)Mr. Humphries demonstrates his Sunshine Babe routine.... -- 19.3 Kb

TopHat04.jpg (21131 bytes)20.6 Kb

TopHat05.jpg (19348 bytes)18.8 Kb

TopHat06.jpg (20903 bytes)20.4 Kb

TopHat07.jpg (18746 bytes)"Mr. Rumbold...?" -- 18.3 Kb

TopHat08.jpg (23024 bytes)"Fate has thrown us together at last, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 22.4 Kb

TopHat09.jpg (20162 bytes)"And this would also be wrong." -- 19.6 Kb

TopHat10.jpg (23469 bytes)Peacock and Humphries demonstrate. -- 22.9 Kb

TopHat11.jpg (21143 bytes)"Mr. Grainger--are you free?" -- 20.6 Kb

TopHat12.jpg (23495 bytes)"I'm not quite sure where to start." -- 22.9 Kb

TopHat13.jpg (24709 bytes)"Chest--forty-two." -- 24.1 Kb

TopHat135.jpg (19271 bytes)"My name?  Would you believe Stan Laurel?" -- 18.8 Kb

TopHat14.jpg (20637 bytes)"It's my own." -- 20.1 Kb

TopHat15.jpg (21480 bytes)"Does it glow in the dark?"  "No, but I do." -- 20.9 Kb

TopHat16.jpg (20879 bytes)At the dress rehearsal for Mr. Grace. -- 20.3 Kb

TopHat17.jpg (20781 bytes)20.2 Kb

23. Forward Mr. Grainger

ForwardGrainger001.jpg (29924 bytes)"Oh yes, we're definitely free." -- 29.2 Kb

ForwardGrainger002.jpg (23893 bytes)"What?!" -- 23.3 Kb

ForwardGrainger01.jpg (33738 bytes)"If I was in that office, you wouldn't be out here for five minutes!" -- 32.9 Kb

ForwardGrainger02.jpg (15377 bytes)"Oh, I know, you'd have me in there for a quick chat and a cuddle, wouldn't you?" -- 15.0 Kb

ForwardGrainger03.jpg (27839 bytes)"Oh yes, of course!  I've got an office, haven't I?" -- 27.1 Kb

ForwardGrainger035.jpg (20051 bytes)"That thin bit at the back is where the pillow rubs.  The rest is growing lush and rampant."--19.5K

ForwardGrainger04.jpg (25124 bytes)A salute for the departing despot. -- 24.5 Kb

ForwardGrainger05.jpg (19177 bytes)"I shall make an adverse report on you in your record." -- 18.7 Kb

ForwardGrainger06.jpg (21911 bytes)"Now come on--blow." -- 21.3 Kb

ForwardGrainger07.jpg (15569 bytes)"I can't stand it anymore." -- 15.2 Kb

ForwardGrainger08.jpg (38142 bytes)"But I feel so sorry for him--the rotten old bastard." -- 37.2 Kb

ForwardGrainger09.jpg (21148 bytes)The staff is late to get back to work. -- 20.6 Kb

ForwardGrainger10.jpg (15633 bytes)"Well, don't all look so miserable--I was going to offer you a drink." -- 15.2 Kb

ForwardGrainger11.jpg (23463 bytes)The staff rush to take Mr. Grainger up on his offer. -- 22.9 Kb

24. Fire Practice

Fire01.jpg (20760 bytes)"My drawers had gummy runners."  "I was just easin' 'em for him." -- 20.2 Kb

Fire02.jpg (20901 bytes)"Hold onto me, I think I'm getting vertigo." -- 20.4Kb

Fire03.jpg (22262 bytes)"I don't know what all the fuss is about--I've had mine for a week." -- 21.7Kb

Fire04.jpg (16258 bytes) "You know, the last time I stood under ultraviolet light, it showed up all my jockey shorts." -- 15.8 Kb

Fire05.jpg (22942 bytes)"Oh!  Thank you, thank you." -- 22.4 Kb

Fire06.jpg (23304 bytes)"Eighteen." -- 22.7 Kb

Fire07.jpg (20973 bytes)"One false move, they'll turn him into an enoch." -- 20.4 Kb

Fire08.jpg (24719 bytes)Bargaining for the trousers.... -- 24.1Kb

Fire09.jpg (14581 bytes)"Thank you--thank you very much." -- 14.2 Kb

Fire10.jpg (21455 bytes)Peacock attempts to teach the fireman's lift...without much success. -- 20.9 Kb

Fire11.jpg (25050 bytes)"Now you can do whatever you want with him."  "You wait 'til you're asked." -- 24.4 Kb

Fire12.JPG (29132 bytes)Lucas "rescues" Mrs. Slocombe... -- 28.4 Kb

Fire13.JPG (27392 bytes)...likewise, without much success. -- 26.7 Kb

Fire14.jpg (21502 bytes)Captain Peacock has an accident with the CPR doll. -- 20.9 Kb

Fire15.jpg (24414 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe prepares to practice the fire escape. -- 23.8 Kb

Fire16.jpg (17326 bytes)"You've got to come out feet...oh, ha, ha!" -- 16.9 Kb

Fire17.jpg (21265 bytes)"Oh!  It's the Chief, himself!" -- 20.7 Kb

Fire18.jpg (22403 bytes)The Chief gives Mr. Humphries a lift. -- 21.8 Kb

25. Fifty Years On

Fifty 01.jpg (17870 bytes)"I'm free." -- 17.4 Kb

Fifty 02.jpg (26379 bytes)"Oh, you mustn't think of anything for me." -- 25.7 Kb

Fifty 03.jpg (28121 bytes)"Oh!  You are getting absent-minded!" -- 27.4 Kb

Fifty 04.jpg (18055 bytes)"It's a good job he remembered his Y-fronts." -- 17.6 Kb

Fifty 05.jpg (20426 bytes)"I like it, I like it." -- 19.9 Kb

Fifty 06.jpg (21740 bytes) "Mr. Grainger's often shown me how to brim-steam and shape, but I get the wrist-action wrong.  Every time I do it, it goes limp." -- 21.2 Kb

Fifty 07.jpg (23843 bytes)"Never underestimate the Flexi-Girdle Corporation." -- 23.2 Kb

Fifty 08.jpg (19672 bytes)The reaction to the Flexi-Girdle display. -- 19.2 Kb

Fifty 09.jpg (24031 bytes)The gang tries to decide what to get Mrs. Slocombe for her birthday. -- 23.4 Kb

Fifty 10.jpg (16400 bytes)"Put me down for half a crown." -- 16.0 Kb

Fifty 11.jpg (20127 bytes)"Of course I've got the right key--trouble is, I keep going in the wrong flat." -- 19.6 Kb

Fifty 12.jpg (18604 bytes)"Happy birthday, dear 'Ur-ur'...." -- 18.1 Kb

Fifty 13.jpg (20974 bytes)"From now on, I shall always think of Mrs. Slocombe as 'Dear UR-UR.'" -- 20.4 Kb

Fifty 14.jpg (21010 bytes)"I've never actually seen one before." -- 20.5 Kb

Fifty 15.jpg (17765 bytes)"We're not going to tell you what it is...." -- 17.3 Kb

Fifty 16.jpg (18984 bytes)"...it's a secret!" -- 18.5 Kb

Fifty 17.jpg (26738 bytes)"Happy birthday, Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Jennifer Rachel Yiddell Abergavenny Slocombe...." -- 26.1K

26. Oh What a Tangled Web

OhWhat01.jpg (18531 bytes)"Beauty Bounce--the new washable party wig." -- 18.0 Kb

OhWhat02.jpg (23078 bytes)"He just said Mr. Rumbold's secretary wasn't in yet, either...then he went like that." -- 22.5 Kb

OhWhat025.jpg (26228 bytes)"It's been going on ever since the Christmas party." -- 25.6Kb

OhWhat03.jpg (22018 bytes)"Assistant thirteen speaking...unlucky for some...." -- 21.5 Kb

OhWhat04.jpg (18753 bytes)"Do you think you invented it?" -- 18.3 Kb

OhWhat05.jpg (28590 bytes)"Oh, it's disgusting." -- 27.9 Kb

OhWhat06.jpg (19125 bytes)"Oh!  Good morning, Captain Peacock." -- 18.6 kb

OhWhat065.jpg (19104 bytes)"And the next object is: a lie...a lie." -- 18.6 Kb

OhWhat07.jpg (19220 bytes)"And don't worry if the sporran's a bit long--it's bound to ride up with wear." -- 18.7

OhWhat08.jpg (20538 bytes)"Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh." -- 20.0 kb

OhWhat09.jpg (25658 bytes)"You won't be going home.  They're changing the locks now, my precious." -- 25.0 Kb

OhWhat10.jpg (23065 bytes)Captain Peacock tries to stop his wife's pursuit of Mrs. Slocombe. -- 22.5 Kb

OhWhat11.jpg (21145 bytes)Mr. Grainger gets a wedding cake on his head. -- 20.6 Kb

OhWhat12.jpg (25643 bytes)"How can I be all right with currants in my ears?" -- 25.0 Kb

27. The Father Christmas Affair

FatherChristmas02.jpg (18908 bytes)"I'm the one who has his tie caught in the till." -- 18.4 Kb

FatherChristmas03.jpg (19401 bytes)Humphries returns from Outward Bound school. -- 18.9 Kb

FatherChristmas04.jpg (23299 bytes)"Were they all men?" -- 22.7 Kb

FatherChristmas05.jpg (17493 bytes)"I should have thought you'd be one of the last people to go on one of those expeditions." -- 17K

FatherChristmas07.jpg (20586 bytes) "The advert said it would make a man out of you, so my mother thought I'd better give it a try." -- 20.1 Kb

FatherChristmas08.jpg (15619 bytes)"Oh, that'll be nice." -- 15.2 Kb

 FatherChristmas01.jpg (26125 bytes)The CDU. -- 25.5 Kb

FatherChristmas09.jpg (20168 bytes)"It looks a bit like my Auntie Ethel only her beard's a bit longer." -- 19.6 Kb

FatherChristmas095.jpg (24549 bytes)"Ho, ho, ho, little boy...have I got a surprise for you." -- 23.9 Kb

FatherChristmas10.jpg (18283 bytes)The staff reacts to the CDU's greeting. -- 17.8 Kb

FatherChristmas11.jpg (18832 bytes)18.3 Kb

FatherChristmas115.jpg (21941 bytes)"I wonder what that costs." -- 21.4 Kb

FatherChristmas12.jpg (21640 bytes)"The sleeves has got stitched to the coat." -- 21.1 Kb

FatherChristmas13.jpg (18810 bytes)The CDU's greeting was too much for Mr. Humphries.... -- 18.3 kb

FatherChristmas14.jpg (19824 bytes)Mr. Grainger tries to eat the spaghetti Bolognaise. -- 19.3 Kb

FatherChristmas15.jpg (20527 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe gets her revenge. -- 20.0 Kb

FatherChristmas16.jpg (22906 bytes)Humphries and Lucas try to teach Grainger an Al Jolson routine. -- 22.3 Kb

FatherChristmas17.jpg (25330 bytes)"Mammy, Mammy...." -- 24.7 Kb

FatherChristmas18.jpg (24023 bytes)"I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles...." -- 23.4 kb

FatherChristmas19.jpg (25910 bytes)"Lots of people would take years, you know, to get hold of a routine like this." -- 25.3 Kb

FatherChristmas20.jpg (16061 bytes)"Your legs weren't moving with your brain." -- 15.6 Kb

FatherChristmas21.jpg (22512 bytes)"You're not as silly as you look, are you?" -- 21.9 Kb

FatherChristmas22.jpg (22779 bytes)Mr. Grainger finally gets it right. -- 22.2 Kb

FatherChristmas23.jpg (19009 bytes)Humphries' last bit. -- 18.5 Kb

FatherChristmas24.jpg (25771 bytes) "Where on Earth did you get that?"  "It was all that was left over from last year's Snow White stand." -- 25.1 Kb

FatherChristmas245.jpg (25344 bytes)"Before you speak, I borrowed it." -- 24.7 Kb

FatherChristmas255.jpg (24785 bytes)"No, not the two of you--you're too shifty-eyed." -- 24.2 Kb

FatherChristmas25.jpg (17379 bytes)"Ho, ho, ho, little boy, have I got a surprise for you." -- 16.9 Kb