49. Is It Catching?

IsItCatching001.jpg (20422 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe demonstrates that she can sell women's shoes.... -- 19.9Kb

IsItCatching002.jpg (19847 bytes)19.3Kb

IsItCatching01.jpg (18561 bytes)Captain Peacock squares off against the Canteen Manageress. -- 20.4Kb

IsItCatching035.jpg (17139 bytes)"Who put your front up?" -- 16.7Kb

IsItCatching02.jpg (20914 bytes)Musical chairs in the canteen. -- 20.4Kb

IsItCatching03.jpg (19280 bytes)Humphries came in late.... -- 18.8Kb

IsItCatching04.jpg (16357 bytes)"She could open the Times, sit on it, and read two pages at once." -- 15.9Kb

IsItCatching055.jpg (20089 bytes)"I think I shall have to sit down.  Mr. Spooner, would you mind helping me to that chair? -- 19.6Kb

IsItCatching057.jpg (20720 bytes)Humphries feels faint... -- 20.2Kb

IsItCatching06.jpg (20987 bytes)...and soon passes out. -- 20.4Kb

IsItCatching07.jpg (14258 bytes)The first stage of Marine's Disease. -- 13.9Kb

IsItCatching075.jpg (17204 bytes)"I can't find his pulse." -- 16.8Kb

IsItCatching08.jpg (19313 bytes)"Just a few elementary precautions." -- 18.8Kb

IsItCatching09.jpg (15798 bytes)"I should have kept me hands off those 'winkles last night." -- 15.4Kb

IsItCatching10.jpg (20858 bytes)Humphries and Slocombe test out the waterbed. -- 20.3Kb

IsItCatching11.jpg (21736 bytes)"Mrs. Slocombe, where's your foot?" -- 21.2Kb

IsItCatching12.jpg (17835 bytes)"Haaaaaa...you'll have to move it, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 17.4Kb

IsItCatching13.jpg (22712 bytes)"We've got another problem--I can feel stage two comin' on." -- 22.1Kb

50. A Personal Problem

APersonalProblem01.jpg (16694 bytes)"Madam has an aura what is purple with white stripes." -- 16.3Kb

APersonalProblem02.jpg (20211 bytes)Humphries is accosted by a violin-toting beggar. -- 19.7kb

APersonalProblem03.jpg (17056 bytes)16.6Kb

APersonalProblem04.jpg (18338 bytes)"According to her, their marriage is a bit...like that." -- 17.9Kb

APersonalProblem05.jpg (17136 bytes)"I don't mind sayin' this to you, Mr. Humphries, but men can be beasts." -- 16.7Kb

APersonalProblem06.jpg (15379 bytes)"Why don't you mind sayin' it to me?" -- 15.0Kb

APersonalProblem07.jpg (17242 bytes)"Do you want to hear the latest in the Peacock saga?" -- 16.8Kb

APersonalProblem08.jpg (16102 bytes)Mr. Harmon thinks he knows with whom Mrs. Peacock is having an affair. -- 15.7Kb

APersonalProblem09.jpg (17279 bytes)"Oh, we can't leave him alone." -- 16.8Kb

APersonalProblem095.jpg (21406 bytes) "I think what Captain Peacock is referring to is the hmmmmm, when the lemange went hmmmmt..." --20.9Kb

APersonalProblem10.jpg (16775 bytes)"...and he got his, uh, and hmmmmm--she found it on his hanky." -- 16.3Kb

APersonalProblem11.jpg (15361 bytes) "Is she going through this bizarre charade just to make me jealous, or is she actually attracted to that bald-headed, jug-eared twit?" -- 15.0Kb

APersonalProblem12.jpg (19450 bytes)"My God!  He's hummin' while he's doin' it!" -- 18.9Kb

APersonalProblem13.jpg (17445 bytes)"I need more rope!" -- 17.0Kb

APersonalProblem14.jpg (19548 bytes) "It's really jammed now."  "You idiot!  What are you going to do?"  "Don't worry, the sports department have got a special offer of climbing boots and icepicks." -- 19.0Kb

APersonalProblem15.jpg (16312 bytes)"Hang on to your gargoyles, then, because I'm comin' past." -- 15.9Kb

APersonalProblem16.jpg (17555 bytes)Brahms and Humphries help Mrs. Slocombe in through the men's room window. -- 17.1Kb

APersonalProblem17.jpg (18523 bytes) "Peacock!  There was never anything between us!  It was just a masquerade to try to save your marriage!" -- 18.0Kb

APersonalProblem18.jpg (15643 bytes)"Do you still love me?" -- 15.2kb

APersonalProblem19.jpg (16669 bytes)"What do you think I'm doing out here, you silly bitch?" -- 16.2Kb

51. Front Page Story

FrontPage01.jpg (20386 bytes)"Will there, uh, be anything else?" -- 19.9Kb

FrontPage02.jpg (21150 bytes)"I know, I know, I'm late--the delivery van had a puncture." -- 20.6Kb

FrontPage03.jpg (19489 bytes)"I've been at a perfectly normal party on a British ship." -- 19.0Kb

FrontPage04.jpg (22875 bytes)Things get out of hand while taking the cover photo. -- 22.3Kb

FrontPage05.jpg (27936 bytes)"Well, it's certainly informal." -- 27.2Kb

FrontPage06.jpg (15617 bytes) "Will young Mr. Spooner succeed in his endeavors to make Miss Brahms fall for his macho charm?" -- 15.2Kb

FrontPage07.jpg (18201 bytes)"Don't you think you're over-reacting?" -- 17.7Kb

FrontPage08.jpg (16559 bytes)"I'm putting my fingers in my ears." -- 16.1Kb

FrontPage09.jpg (15724 bytes) "Mr. Humphries is too busy to listen to uninteresting bits of idle gossip from people who have nothing better to do than sit on their backsides all day, doing nothing!  Who is that?  Oh...Mr. Grace!  Heh, heh, heh...do you know who this is, Mr. Grace?  You don't?  Good." -- 15.3Kb
FrontPage10.jpg (16637 bytes) "That's torn it--it's going to be a walkover for novelty candles."  "Whichever way you look at it, some other department's going to get the six hundred pounds.  Unless...." -- 16.2Kb

FrontPage11.jpg (15726 bytes)"Oh, no!  No!" -- 15.3Kb

FrontPage12.jpg (17817 bytes) "Nonsense!  You were a sensation as Scarlett O'Hara in our production of 'Gone With the Wind.'" -- 17.3Kb

FrontPage13.jpg (16657 bytes)"No!  Please, no!  I shall call the police!" -- 16.2Kb

FrontPage14.jpg (20319 bytes)"Miss Ladies' Imminent Apparel." -- 19.8Kb

FrontPage15.jpg (17571 bytes)"Shut your cakehole." -- 17.1Kb

FrontPage16.jpg (19773 bytes)Miss "Do-It-Yourself." -- 19.3Kb

52. Sit Out

SitOut01.jpg (17145 bytes)"...the service charge for my smilin' face." -- 16.7Kb

SitOut02.jpg (17594 bytes)"This is very serious, Peacock."  "It is indeed...you could get the sack." -- 17.1Kb

SitOut03.jpg (21535 bytes)"Look out!  Rumbold's comin' on the floor!" -- 21.0Kb

SitOut04.jpg (18148 bytes) "Well, we've got to have a little hole instead of the lift doors, cover the floor with glue, and we'll end up with a store full of dead customers." -- 17.7Kb

SitOut045.jpg (18500 bytes)"Why can't Mrs. Slocombe be a lady customer?" -- 18.0Kb

SitOut05.jpg (22146 bytes) "Let's say we're a typical married couple...we know what we want but we don't know where to find it." -- 21.6Kb

SitOut06.jpg (18335 bytes)"It must be magic being married to you." -- 17.9Kb

SitOut064.jpg (18827 bytes)"Mr. Rumbold, should Captain Peacock's job become vacant..." -- 18.3Kb

SitOut065.jpg (18773 bytes)"...I am not only ready, but willing." -- 18.3Kb

SitOut07.jpg (22991 bytes)"Look, I'm not playin' if he's goin' on like this." -- 22.4Kb

SitOut08.jpg (23233 bytes)"But it's nearly all storage--nobody goes down there!" -- 22.6Kb

SitOut09.jpg (20328 bytes)"Pfffft." -- 19.8Kb

SitOut10.jpg (17916 bytes)On the roof, Peacock and Humphries blockade the door. -- 17.4Kb

SitOut11.jpg (16455 bytes)"Grace Brothers unfair to salespersons." -- 16.0Kb

SitOut12.jpg (19873 bytes) "What about a paper dart?  I used to make paper darts when I was a mixed infant.  I once used one to propose to a little girl six desks away." -- 19.4Kb

SitOut13.jpg (19194 bytes)"Mr. Humphries, that's not a paper dart--it's a paper hat!" -- 18.7Kb

SitOut14.jpg (17193 bytes)"I found a pot of red paint." -- 16.7Kb

SitOut15.jpg (21190 bytes)"What was that slogan again?" -- 20.6Kb

SitOut16.jpg (23082 bytes)"I'm not going to hang myself!" -- 22.5Kb

SitOut17.jpg (22009 bytes)"There hasn't been a martyr in my family for five hundred years!" -- 21.4Kb

SitOut18.jpg (17442 bytes)Humphries drops in on Old Mr. Grace. -- 17.0Kb

SitOut19.jpg (14570 bytes)"He didn't have time to talk to me." -- 14.2Kb

SitOut20.jpg (14072 bytes)"That siren wasn't the law, it's the fire brigade!" -- 13.7Kb

sitout21.jpg (18801 bytes)Old friends meet.... "You!"  "You!"  "What happened to the Benedictine monastery?" -- 18.3Kb

53. Heir Apparent

HeirApparent01.jpg (18476 bytes)"It's the only chance I'll ever get of paying that price for a fur coat." -- 18.0Kb

HeirApparent02.jpg (17191 bytes)"You could pay another price." -- 16.7Kb

HeirApparent03.jpg (21061 bytes)The early bird gets the worm.... -- 20.5kb

HeirApparent04.jpg (23166 bytes)"I didn't want to be late for the sale." -- 22.6Kb

HeirApparent05.jpg (22151 bytes)"I get carried away...I do." -- 21.6Kb

HeirApparent06.jpg (21773 bytes)"Which coat was it, dear?"  "This one." -- 21.2Kb

HeirApparent07.jpg (22837 bytes)"May I thank you for the touching reception?  I'm completely underwhelmed." --22.3Kb

HeirApparent08.jpg (18440 bytes) "Keep your voice down, please!  I don't want the whole world to know that I'm accelerating down the road of life towards forty."  "According to this form, you can see it clearly in the rear-view mirror." -- 18.0Kb
HeirApparent09.jpg (16391 bytes) "Knowledge of stock?"  "Well, I know what I've got and I know what I'm short of.  Sometimes, I'm short of what I wish I've got." -- 16.0Kb  

HeirApparent10.jpg (18746 bytes)"Did you ever meet your father?" -- 18.3Kb

heirapparent11.jpg (18296 bytes)"Yes, I'm afraid it's true." -- 17.8Kb

HeirApparent12.jpg (15359 bytes)"Daddy!" -- 14.9Kb

HeirApparent14.jpg (18112 bytes)"Mr. Grace-Humphries...I shall keep my maiden name." -- 17.6Kb

HeirApparent13.jpg (21954 bytes)"The factory say they've put in extra-strong elastic at the back." -- 21.4Kb

HeirApparent15.jpg (19565 bytes)"Ooh, ooh, now my leg's gone, too!" -- 19.1Kb

HeirApparent16.jpg (23409 bytes)"May I say what a pleasure it is having your son on the floor." -- 22.8Kb

HeirApparent17.jpg (17720 bytes)"What are you talking about?  I've never met you before in my life." -- 17.3Kb

HeirApparent18.jpg (22774 bytes)"You're relieved?  So am I." -- 22.2Kb

HeirApparent19.jpg (25454 bytes)"Mr. Grace is not my father?  Well, what does that make me?" -- 24.8Kb

HeirApparent20.jpg (24362 bytes)"Mr. Humphries!  You can't wear an ankle-length fur coat in broad daylight!"  -- 23.7Kb

54. Closed Circuit

ClosedCircuit01.jpg (22333 bytes)"I think it's the silliest idea I've ever heard." -- 21.8Kb

ClosedCircuit02.jpg (19472 bytes)"I think Mr. Humphries may have put his finger on it." -- 19.0Kb

ClosedCircuit03.jpg (19831 bytes)"There must be somethin' wrong with your camera.  I look all fat." -- 19.3Kb

ClosedCircuit04.jpg (18206 bytes)"Oh!  Look at my face!  I should be in pictures!" -- 17.7Kb

ClosedCircuit05.jpg (22516 bytes) "We've got to do something about those ridiculous ears."  "He looks like a hang-glider."  "I'd have said more like a wing-nut." -- 21.9Kb

ClosedCircuit06.jpg (20333 bytes)"Mr. Spooner, cello tape, quick." -- 19.8Kb

ClosedCircuit07.jpg (16095 bytes)Mr. Rumbold's new 'do.  -- 15.7Kb

ClosedCircuit08.jpg (25323 bytes)"And...go!"  "You said 'cue' last time!" -- 24.7Kb

ClosedCircuit09.jpg (21259 bytes)"Hello, shoppers.  I know you'll be interested in all these fantastic special offers." -- 20.7Kb

ClosedCircuit10.jpg (18254 bytes)"Can you dine with me tonight?" -- 17.8Kb

ClosedCircuit11.jpg (18465 bytes)"You don't want to put him off.  You want to appear unsullied." -- 18.0Kb

ClosedCircuit122.jpg (19202 bytes)"Tell him you're in training to be a carmalite nun and Monday's practice night." -- 18.7Kb

ClosedCircuit13.jpg (18405 bytes) "I'm certain that if we put our heads together, we can come up with a solution of some sort." -- 17.9Kb

ClosedCircuit14.jpg (23795 bytes)"Here, you're not havin' that!  That's ten pounds a throw!" -- 23.2Kb

ClosedCircuit15.jpg (22077 bytes)"It's not Mr. Humphries, is it?"  "I'm afraid it is." -- 21.5Kb

ClosedCircuit16.jpg (20943 bytes)"Ah!  Monsignor!" -- 20.4Kb

ClosedCircuit17.jpg (22193 bytes)"You drink as little as possible." -- 21.6Kb

ClosedCircuit18.jpg (21842 bytes)"Oh, it's Mr. Grace!"  "Get up, get up!" -- 21.3Kb

ClosedCircuit19.jpg (17048 bytes)"I'm just taking a confession--won't be long." -- 16.6kb

ClosedCircuit20.jpg (19400 bytes)"You can't stay like that all night."  "Well, get rid of the candles." --18.9Kb

ClosedCircuit21.jpg (23470 bytes)"Egg and chips four times and a pot of tea." -- 22.9Kb

55. The Erotic Dreams of Mrs. Slocombe

EroticDreams01.jpg (18621 bytes)"You're not drinking at this time of the morning!" -- 18.1Kb

EroticDreams02.jpg (19029 bytes) "I only have to give her the slightest hint of a smile, and she goes all wobbly at the knees--watch this." -- 18.5Kb

EroticDreams022.jpg (15839 bytes)"What sort of personality does the gentleman have?"  "Suede." -- 15.4Kb

EroticDreams024.jpg (22150 bytes)"Now that is a beautiful glove.  Just feel it, Mrs. Slocombe." -- 21.6Kb

EroticDreams026.jpg (17917 bytes) "What coloring does the gentleman have?"  "Well...fair, wavy hair, startling blue eyes, and a strong, sensitive chin."  "I wonder why she didn't mention the gap in the teeth?" -- 17.4Kb   

EroticDreams03.jpg (21226 bytes)"The salesgirl said that as soon as I put it on, the years seemed to just drift away." -- 20.7Kb

EroticDreams04.jpg (21353 bytes)"I haven't got a log fire."  "Haven't you?  I know where there's a lovely one." -- 20.8Kb

EroticDreams05.jpg (22774 bytes)Mrs. Slocombe gets too close for comfort. -- 22.2Kb

EroticDreams06.jpg (19611 bytes)At the ballet... -- 19.1Kb

EroticDreams07.jpg (15707 bytes)...Humphries makes his move... -- 15.3Kb

EroticDreams08.jpg (17683 bytes)...with some coaching by Miss Brahms. -- 17.2Kb

56. Roots?

Roots001.jpg (16319 bytes)Mr. Humphries enters on roller skates. -- 15.9kb

Roots01.jpg (17899 bytes)"One super-executive, heat-controlled kharzi comforter." -- 17.4Kb

Roots02.jpg (18656 bytes)"I'm flashin'." -- 18.2Kb

Roots025.jpg (19008 bytes)"Don't tell me that that sculptor's still doin' your pussy for posterity." -- 18.5Kb

Roots026.jpg (19996 bytes)"All last night, I had to keep it on the kitchen table covered by a wet flannel."  "No!" -- 19.5Kb

Roots03.jpg (17414 bytes)Captain Peacock tries to get Mr. Rumbold's attention. -- 17.0Kb

Roots04.jpg (21756 bytes)"We'll keep a welcome in the hillsides...." -- 21.2Kb

Roots05.jpg (24715 bytes)"...when you come home again to Waaales!" -- 24.1Kb

Roots06.jpg (21260 bytes)Preparing for Mr. Humphries' sabre dance. -- 20.7Kb

Roots07.jpg (24826 bytes)Humphries shows off. -- 24.2Kb

Roots074.jpg (22745 bytes)And if those girls can do the splits... -- 22.2Kb

Roots075.jpg (21626 bytes)...so can he. -- 21.1Kb

Roots08.jpg (26821 bytes)Rumbold and Peacock rescue Humphries. -- 26.1Kb

Roots09.jpg (21100 bytes)"It's not my birthday, it's yours, you silly old fool!" -- 20.6Kb

Roots095.jpg (27773 bytes)"...waitin' for the Robert E. Lee!" -- 27.1Kb